


I'll Discover Myself

by ThatScottishShipper



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Boyfriends, Don’t post to another site, Gay Panic, Identity Issues, Kissing, Labels, M/M, Pride, Questioning, Self-Discovery, Sexual Orientation, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 11:50:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19425400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatScottishShipper/pseuds/ThatScottishShipper
Summary: Yosuke's first Pride March is coming, and he's confused and scared as ever, unsure of who he is.His supportive boyfriend, Yu, is by his side.





	I'll Discover Myself

“Partner, not gonna lie? _Freaking out_ right now.”

As a flash of rainbows and streams of colour exploded in a frenzy of nervous energy coming from his boyfriend, Yu blinked once. He was well acquainted with the skittish nature of his other half, and he anticipated cold feet the sooner the fated hour drew near.

It still did not cause his heartache to lessen at the sight of Yosuke in visible distress, fretting over the uncertainty that lurked outside, like the Shadows they once fought.

“Yosuke, do you want to talk about it?”

An anguished whine was his answer. Yosuke felt so stupid since the whole thing had been his _idea_. One television broadcast about a planned Pride march in the city, and Yosuke blurted it out.

_‘Hey, Yu? You wanna go?’_

But when the day arrived, so did the panic, rupturing without warning.

Nibbling his lip, Yosuke tugged and twisted at the white cloth with his fidgety hands. He had been tempted to personally design a t-shirt for himself to wear, but the gnawing negativity won out. Unused paints and pens sat on the bed, repeatedly picked up and played with, but always returned to their place.

The more Yosuke thought about it, the more confused he became.

“Like, who am I, Partner?” Yosuke finally asked, unable to break his steady gaze at the instruments of his artistic purpose.

And Yu, straightforward as always, said, “You’re you, Yosuke.”

That was not the answer Yosuke was searching for, evident by the distressed sound that escaped his lips, and the grip on the new shirt tightening further.

“Come _on_ , you _know_ what I mean, dude, I…” Breaking off, Yosuke snatched a few glitter pens off the bed, glancing at each shimmering colour bursting to escape, to become free on a canvas of individuality. He repeated the question with added emphasis, sure that the other teenager knew what he was getting at. “ _Who_ am I?”

Before Yu responded, Yosuke brandished the pens at his calm boyfriend, trying so hard not to scream and vent from months of questioning and a personal hell that came from doubt.

“We’re doing this, we’re _totally_ doing this, but I still have no idea! Not a clue!”

All these years, Yosuke assumed he only liked girls, which meant he was straight. But one transfer student from the city later, and Yosuke’s entire world was thrown into bedlam.

Before Yu, Yosuke never entertained being with another guy like this.

He just thought he wanted to _be_ like him.

Investigating a small town murder with close friends, especially the boy he came to admire a little too much, was enough to overshadow any confidence he pretended to have in matters of the heart.

Even after they got together, Yosuke still felt unsure. He knew he liked Yu without question, but did that mean he was gay now? Girls were still cute, and he did not _think_ he was attracted to other guys.

Only Yu.

Researching his conundrum on the internet only further compounded his uncertainty. To a boy that saw the world of attraction as being gay or straight, his mind was completely blown by just how many identities and labels there were.

Surely that meant one explained Yosuke’s whole straight-except-when-it’s-Partner situation? But tried as he might, he left with more questions than answers.

Unsettled, Yosuke finally let his turbulent eyes meet Yu, experiencing a temporary calm before his attention drifted towards his boyfriend’s cheeks. A rainbow blush proudly stood on each cheek, painting Yu’s identity loud and clear.

Whereas Yosuke’s own face remained bare, decorated only with doubt and deliberation.

His mind replayed all the hours of discovery and his talks with his well informed boyfriend in rapid succession, almost in the blink of an eye, and he pondered on his own sense of self since departing on this journey of love with Yu.

What should Yosuke’s expression be, mirroring his confident boyfriend?

Bisexuality, in a splash of midnight blue and a blush of purple and pink?

Pansexuality, a spectacular sunrise of pink, yellow and blue soaring into being?

Should he be a fabulous rainbow, a sparkle in a carousel of wondrous colour?

And what about all this ‘bi-curious’ and ‘hetero-flexible’ stuff? Was there a flag expressing ‘straight with an exception?’

Yosuke used to think only the ingredients packaging on Junes labels were complicated. How naive had he been.

The hands holding the twinkling glitter pens twitched.

Observing his restless boyfriend, all too aware of his questioning nature, Yu strolled over, and held him close. He wrapped his arms around the trembling frame, and Yosuke immediately melted against the embrace, grateful for the support.

The fair-haired teenager sighed, letting the troubling tools of his turmoil fall from his fingers onto the floor. Burying his head against Yu, comforted by his physical presence, Yosuke mumbled softly, clinging to the back of his partner’s white shirt bearing the world ‘Pride’ in many colours.

“...’m sorry, Yu.”

“It’s alright, Yosuke. You have nothing to apologise for.”

That deep voice reverberated inside Yosuke’s, enveloping him with warmth and a sense of safety. His name said alone was enough to steady the storm inside him, even for a short time, an intoxicating remedy on his nerves.

“You always seem to have it together, y’know? You’re always so sure, but I…” Unable to mask his embarrassment, Yosuke lifted his head, his cheeks burning with shame. “I know that you and I are, like, together, but this whole stuff about who I’m supposed to be, and stuff? It’s…”

A frustrated sigh forced itself out of Yosuke, struggling to articulate just how difficult this whole thing was.

However, Yu - _his_ patient, perfect Yu - seemed to understand his bewilderment very clearly. “Hey, it’s okay. But you’re overthinking things again.” He brushed a few stray hairs from Yosuke’s face, allowing himself to appreciate those emotional eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with not being sure yet, and while it might seem scary right now, that doesn’t last forever. And you’ll figure it out. You are my smart Partner, after all.”

A bashful smile touched Yosuke’s lips. “Thanks, Yu. I’m just…” He fell quiet, brewing over the inevitable dark storm of trouble threatening to cloud his happy moment.

Honestly, Yosuke felt like a frightened cat teetering on a fence. Even before meeting Yu, he felt out of place, an outsider subject to the mockery and isolation of a rigid and unforgiving society. Nothing he did ever won their approval then, with today being the defining moment that could change everything.

Once he set foot out there, there was no turning back.

What if he was recognised in the march? What if the others that actually knew who they were and what they were marching for didn’t want him there? After all, he was just a dumb kid that played the Straight Man until he couldn’t anymore.

“What am I even doing? What if I don’t belong there? What if they-”

Suddenly, he felt a gentle finger pressed against his lips, a soft hush calming his overactive mind, bursting to the brim with too many questions. Yu’s reassuring words drifted into his ears, protecting Yosuke from the intrusive thoughts driving him to the brink of hysteria.

“Yosuke, you’re doing it again,” Yu reminded him, placing a small kiss on his lips.

 _That_ stopped Yosuke’s brain.

“Listen. You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready. We can just stay in if that makes you more comfortable.” As Yosuke mulled on that appealing option, Yu continued. “But there’s one thing I can tell you, Yosuke.”

That smooth voice caused the most delightful flutter inside Yosuke’s stomach, as it always did. “Yeah?”

“You’re valid.”

That statement, delivered with such profound tenderness, deeply moved Yosuke, stirring forth strong emotions from the realisation that his experience was real, his feelings were sincere, and nothing changed that.

He blinked in an attempt to hold back the annoying as hell tears trying to ruin the whole moment. “Yu…”

“Whatever happens, whatever you figure out, what we have right now…” A warm hand stroked the side of Yosuke’s neck, supporting him unconditionally. “That’s real. Even when you were scared, you still confessed your feelings to me. You’re stronger than you realise, and I’m proud to have you as my Partner…”

Another fleeting kiss connected with Yosuke’s soft lips. “And my boyfriend. And with your permission, I want the whole world to know it, and there’s others out there, all with their own stories, who’d be happy to meet you.”

_Oh._ Yosuke felt drunk on that love, wondering what he had done in this life and the last to deserve such a perfect person in his life, showering someone like him with adoration? That genuine affection in those beautiful grey eyes was Yosuke’s defining moment.

Without warning, Yosuke crushed his lips against Yu, taking the other teenager's breath away. A faint sound of surprise escaped Yu, and his mind - softened by the effect the kiss had on him - barely kept up with Yosuke's energy when he pulled away.

"Hold that thought," Yosuke swiftly said, then raced towards the nearest mirror, snatching someone off the bed as he went.

Still dazed from the sudden kiss, Yu watched, but it did not take long for him to learn what his boyfriend was up to. Yosuke’s stomach was still in tight knots, and he felt like his heart was about to explode out of his chest, but a satisfied smile brightened his face. He turned, and then Yu saw the two orange hearts on his boyfriend’s cheeks.

The colour _orange_. Of course, from his boyfriend’s choice in clothing to his very personality, orange was such a personal vibrant colour, an expression of Yosuke’s cheerfulness, symbolic of the boy Yu fell helplessly in love with. To Yu, Yosuke was persistent rays of sunshine penetrating through the darkest clouds, brightening his entire world just through his radiating presence.

Yosuke’s song, his expression, was for Yu.

Yu smiled, falling even harder for this boy he, without a doubt, knew was _the one_. He held his hand out, nodding towards the door to their future. “You ready, Yosuke?”

Clasping his hand against his Partner’s, Yosuke grinned, knowing that he did not have to hide his nervousness from his perceptive boyfriend, but he was not alone.

He had Yu, and Yu had Yosuke, as always.

“With you? Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> A last minute piece to celebrate the send off of another wonderful Pride Month.
> 
> This is a Questioning piece on Yosuke Hanamura, on the uncertain and scary world beyond heterosexuality after getting together with Yu. He loves Yu, but after being so sure he only liked girls, his new relationship brings lots of questions to the table.
> 
> Who is he? What is his sexual orientation taking his attraction to Yu into account? Can he really call himself straight, is he gay, or perhaps one of these orientations he never knew existed until now?
> 
> Most of the uncertainty and confusion about sexual orientations, labels and identities is something that I very much see coming from Yosuke. From what we see in game, his perception of sexual orientation seems to be he thinks you can only be gay or straight, and he LOVES affirming he is the latter. Learning about the diverse range of other identities would be a mind blowing experience for him, and I think that as he would be confused as to what his attraction to Yu means, he would overthink it, confuse himself thinking of what that means for him, and try to find himself.
> 
> Discovering who you are can be a scary experience when answers are scarce, but confusion is aplenty. All Yosuke wants is certainty, and the anxiety of his first ever Pride March isn't helping matters. He fears he might not be welcome by anyone, and we all know Yosuke has issues about being isolated and rejected.
> 
> First time Pride March fears? Also real.
> 
> Thankfully, Understanding and Loving Boyfriend Yu is here to give pep talks and awesome hugs. Even if knowing who exactly Yosuke is might not be answered yet, his experiences are still genuine. Validation is something I really wanted to share in this story, and I hope it helps.
> 
> First time Pride March? Also awesome. <3
> 
> Sadly, I wasn't feeling too well when typing this, and it was not given the twice over by a beta reader, so hopefully it came out okay.
> 
> Thank you very much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. <3


End file.
